7 Signs It May Be Time for Couples Therapy
Couples therapy isn’t only for relationships on the edge. The couples who get the most out of it often come in before things feel hopeless.
Research suggests many couples wait years after problems start before getting help. By then, the same hurts have piled up. Here are signs it may be time to reach out, and what working with a couples therapist looks like.
Signs it may be time
- The same fight, over and over: different topic, same pattern, and nothing gets resolved
- You feel like roommates: you run the house together but rarely feel close
- Trust has been broken: after an affair, secrets, or financial surprises
- Small things turn into big blowups: or one of you shuts down to avoid conflict
- Big life changes: a new baby, a move, a deployment, job loss or grief has knocked you off balance
- Parenting disagreements: you’re not on the same team when it comes to the kids
- You’re thinking about leaving: and want to be sure you’ve tried, or want to separate with less damage
What happens in couples therapy
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I look at the patterns between you, not just at who is right. Early sessions focus on understanding your history, what’s working, and where you get stuck. From there, we slow down conflict, help each of you say what you really need, and practice new ways to talk and repair.
I draw on attachment-based therapy and solution-focused therapy, so the work is both about understanding each other and making practical changes at home.
What if my partner won’t come?
That’s common. You can start on your own. Individual work can change how you show up in the relationship, and sometimes a partner decides to join later.
When couples therapy isn’t the right fit
If there is physical violence, threats or fear in the relationship, couples therapy may not be safe. In that case, individual support comes first. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.
I see clients in person at my Temecula office on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and by secure telehealth anywhere in California the rest of the week. Many clients come from Temecula, Murrieta, Menifee, Moreno Valley, Riverside, Perris and Corona. Many couples use insurance through Grow Therapy, Rula or Headway. You can learn more on my couples and family therapy page.
This article is general information, not medical advice or a substitute for an evaluation. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 or call 911.